GREETINGS, pathetic dullard or dullards, and welcome to the Quadrilateral of Doom! I am Otto Von Trapezoid, scientist extraordinaire and future ruler of this miserable planet. Throughout the course of my campaign of terror, I have had many trials and travails, which I am told by my underlings may be of interest. Toward this end, I have kidnapped Jesse Baruffi, a so-called author, that he might relate my rise to power in words small enough to be understood by the common rabble. His first novel, Otto Von Trapezoid and the Empress of Thieves, is the record of a particularly exciting and adventurous period of my life, during which I met the beautiful and deadly Esmerelda Santa Monica, the Empress of Thieves. No doubt you remember our love affair from the billions in property damage and ravaged nations left in our wake, but if you wish to learn what transpired in greater detail (not to mention fund my creation of a legion of radioactive titans), proceed to purchase the book. The author (currently suspended over a pit of robotic cobras pending the book’s success) thanks you for your patronage.
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